[Semi-inspired by Daymian's "Two Words: Shut the Hell Up"]
Frosted tips
manicured nails
Teetering on
Nine West stilettos
With no name
cereal boxes
I see you,
Walmart Bitches
Empty brains
empty lives
You can dress up
a pig, but it still
oinks
[Might follow up with "You're a Godd----ed Liar, Bill O'Reilly]
Friday, February 20, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
My Randomness
Let's see how far I get before I can't think of something:
1. I have an office supply fetish. I don't like to have sex with them or anything, I just really like them. Especially rollerball pens and notepads. I'm constantly coveting pens and notepads.
2. I will spend a multitude of hours online shopping for the best price, but I loathe regular shopping and avoid it at all costs.
3. I find I work better under pressure, I am also a procrastinator. So I'm usually super stressed out and barely meet deadlines.
4. I have two kids, two dogs, and one cat. I'm pretty sure the cat is related to Satan. His name is Percy Jackson.
5. My last cat was super sweet. Percy is more likely to bite you than let you pet him. He also likes to chase other people's dogs down the street and tries to ride on the top of the car when we're leaving. If he's actually being affectionate it means he's run out of food.
6. I can't stand having cold feet but equally can't stand wearing socks to bed.
7. I've been to Las Vegas four times, Disneyland four times, Hawaii twice, Mexico once, Costa Rica once. I'd really like to travel more but it's hard with kids so mostly we go camping.
8. My least favourite chore is picking up poo in the backyard, followed by mowing the lawn.
9. One of my pet peeves is when people leave their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle and wander off to look for something, you feel so awkward moving their cart out of the way, like you're breaking into their house or something.
10. I am neither a bad driver nor a good driver, although I did once back our pickup truck into a Purolator truck (it was a funny angle!!)
11. Movies where people pull out their teeth give me nightmare for weeks.
12. I used to work in Vancouver. One of the places I worked at owned a box at GM Place. Most of the time we'd get tickets to see the Grizzlies (basketball) because the Canuck's tickets were reserved for wooing clients - but I did get to go a few times. I didn't like it as much - people want to talk to you and all you want to do is watch the game and swear, but your boss is right there.
13. I once won an Xbox at a racetrack while heavily pregnant. Yup.
14. The week after my daughter was born we drove 8 hours from Vancouver to Trail to look at houses. Not a fun drive.
15. Cream of mushroom soup reminds me of vomit.
16. Last year I biked the KVR trail from Kelowna to Penticton. It was 80k and took just over four hours.
17. That last one sounded like bragging, sorry.
18. I hate it when people post motivational phrases/photos on Facebook, like they're saying "hey you, I know you're a lazy sack of crap, perhaps this will get you motivated!".
19. Spelling and grammatical errors drive me insane. More so when it's a company - it's like they don't even care that it makes them look stupid.
20. Example: Tim Horton's radio ad where the guy says "I carefully roast and grind those bean with care" - really? Carefully and with care? Arg.
21. However, sometimes they can be funny. Although not really a grammar error, Kraft was paying the commentators on Sportsnet (I think) to say "brought to you by Kraft Pourable Dressings." This funny thing was that no matter how hard they tried to pronounce the P in pourable, it sounded like horrible. But it did bother me - are dressings normally not pourable?
22. Alright, almost there.
23. Most people tell me years after first meeting me that they though initially I was a sarcastic bitch. But they grew to like me, I suppose.
24. I'm really not sure what to do with that information.
25. My dad taught me how to play Scrabble when I was pretty young. He didn't want to play anymore when I started to beat him regularly.
Yay!
1. I have an office supply fetish. I don't like to have sex with them or anything, I just really like them. Especially rollerball pens and notepads. I'm constantly coveting pens and notepads.
2. I will spend a multitude of hours online shopping for the best price, but I loathe regular shopping and avoid it at all costs.
3. I find I work better under pressure, I am also a procrastinator. So I'm usually super stressed out and barely meet deadlines.
4. I have two kids, two dogs, and one cat. I'm pretty sure the cat is related to Satan. His name is Percy Jackson.
5. My last cat was super sweet. Percy is more likely to bite you than let you pet him. He also likes to chase other people's dogs down the street and tries to ride on the top of the car when we're leaving. If he's actually being affectionate it means he's run out of food.
6. I can't stand having cold feet but equally can't stand wearing socks to bed.
7. I've been to Las Vegas four times, Disneyland four times, Hawaii twice, Mexico once, Costa Rica once. I'd really like to travel more but it's hard with kids so mostly we go camping.
8. My least favourite chore is picking up poo in the backyard, followed by mowing the lawn.
9. One of my pet peeves is when people leave their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle and wander off to look for something, you feel so awkward moving their cart out of the way, like you're breaking into their house or something.
10. I am neither a bad driver nor a good driver, although I did once back our pickup truck into a Purolator truck (it was a funny angle!!)
11. Movies where people pull out their teeth give me nightmare for weeks.
12. I used to work in Vancouver. One of the places I worked at owned a box at GM Place. Most of the time we'd get tickets to see the Grizzlies (basketball) because the Canuck's tickets were reserved for wooing clients - but I did get to go a few times. I didn't like it as much - people want to talk to you and all you want to do is watch the game and swear, but your boss is right there.
13. I once won an Xbox at a racetrack while heavily pregnant. Yup.
14. The week after my daughter was born we drove 8 hours from Vancouver to Trail to look at houses. Not a fun drive.
15. Cream of mushroom soup reminds me of vomit.
16. Last year I biked the KVR trail from Kelowna to Penticton. It was 80k and took just over four hours.
17. That last one sounded like bragging, sorry.
18. I hate it when people post motivational phrases/photos on Facebook, like they're saying "hey you, I know you're a lazy sack of crap, perhaps this will get you motivated!".
19. Spelling and grammatical errors drive me insane. More so when it's a company - it's like they don't even care that it makes them look stupid.
20. Example: Tim Horton's radio ad where the guy says "I carefully roast and grind those bean with care" - really? Carefully and with care? Arg.
21. However, sometimes they can be funny. Although not really a grammar error, Kraft was paying the commentators on Sportsnet (I think) to say "brought to you by Kraft Pourable Dressings." This funny thing was that no matter how hard they tried to pronounce the P in pourable, it sounded like horrible. But it did bother me - are dressings normally not pourable?
22. Alright, almost there.
23. Most people tell me years after first meeting me that they though initially I was a sarcastic bitch. But they grew to like me, I suppose.
24. I'm really not sure what to do with that information.
25. My dad taught me how to play Scrabble when I was pretty young. He didn't want to play anymore when I started to beat him regularly.
Yay!
2500 Things...
So, I was really prepared to hate 2500 Things About Me Too - probably because that's my approach to most things and the size of the book was off putting (the dimensions, not the number of pages). I read the introduction first (which I normally skip) and it brought up some interesting points about the flightiness of online communication. It's not printed, so it almost doesn't exist, or it does briefly when it's being read and then poof! off it goes into the ether. Not only do we not remember much of what we write online, but we also forget what we've read as well.
The lists themselves were fascinating on a few levels. One, that they did truly seem random - if it were me I'd be tempted to edit out the less interesting or more offensive items, but here Matias Viegener has left them all in. Second is the meta-writing, how Matias often comments on the writing process itself and how difficult it is, as well as how hard he's trying to avoid narrative or excessive sentiment. If it's that hard to avoid in a list, it must be near impossible with other types of writing.
Throughout the lists there were certain recurring themes. Several were related to Matias and made sense as many of his items were recounting past or present events. His mother, his stepmother, his dog (I'm only halfway through, no spoilers!), his family's flight from Germany to Argentina to the US. Many of the themes are sad, which makes sense as it's the sad things that tend to stick with us, but there were a few funny/interesting themes as well, such as his love of certain fruits and couches.
I also enjoyed his references to great thinkers (Freud, Barthes, Zizek) - since I've read them too I felt like we were somehow talking to each other. He seems, at times, a very deep thinker:
- "Heterosexual didn't come into use until "homosexual" was coined (p66)
- Did I make this up? Is it something I saw in a movie? That's how I remember it, like a movie. (p62)
- Taking photographs is a way of controlling the gaze instead of being its focus. (p78)
Overall, I thought it presented an interesting cross-section of a person, in a different style than a straight memoir, which for all you know may have been written by a ghostwriter and heavily edited. I could have gone without all the sexcapade anecdotes, but that would mean he was hiding part of himself, so I suppose it was necessary.
Hopefully I'll get together a small list of my own soon. See you Thurs!
The lists themselves were fascinating on a few levels. One, that they did truly seem random - if it were me I'd be tempted to edit out the less interesting or more offensive items, but here Matias Viegener has left them all in. Second is the meta-writing, how Matias often comments on the writing process itself and how difficult it is, as well as how hard he's trying to avoid narrative or excessive sentiment. If it's that hard to avoid in a list, it must be near impossible with other types of writing.
Throughout the lists there were certain recurring themes. Several were related to Matias and made sense as many of his items were recounting past or present events. His mother, his stepmother, his dog (I'm only halfway through, no spoilers!), his family's flight from Germany to Argentina to the US. Many of the themes are sad, which makes sense as it's the sad things that tend to stick with us, but there were a few funny/interesting themes as well, such as his love of certain fruits and couches.
I also enjoyed his references to great thinkers (Freud, Barthes, Zizek) - since I've read them too I felt like we were somehow talking to each other. He seems, at times, a very deep thinker:
- "Heterosexual didn't come into use until "homosexual" was coined (p66)
- Did I make this up? Is it something I saw in a movie? That's how I remember it, like a movie. (p62)
- Taking photographs is a way of controlling the gaze instead of being its focus. (p78)
Overall, I thought it presented an interesting cross-section of a person, in a different style than a straight memoir, which for all you know may have been written by a ghostwriter and heavily edited. I could have gone without all the sexcapade anecdotes, but that would mean he was hiding part of himself, so I suppose it was necessary.
Hopefully I'll get together a small list of my own soon. See you Thurs!
Monday, February 16, 2015
I.Y.L.M (really rough draft)
.JPG)
If you loved me...you'd put down the
fucking toilet seat
seriously, just once
please
If you loved me...
you'd know all the things
I hate, like
being breathed on,
utensils scraping plates,
or anything licorice
If you loved me...
you'd write me a story
about a teenaged reanimated corpse
lovelorn, shopping for
a grad dress, but her
appendages keep
falling off.
It would be a
ZomComPromRomDram
If you loved me...
you'd stop trying
to change me
and remember
what you fell
in love with
If you loved me...
you'd stay
no matter what
If you loved me...
you'd go
so at least
one of
us was
happy
[oops - that took a bit of a turn at the end there :( sorry! ]
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Could I Flarf Now?
I really want to try a flarf drama, but I'm not sure where to start. So, I'm going to start here I suppose, with some dialogue.
Two people, one on a computer, one in a comfortable chair reading a book.
A: Kennedy was a speed reader, did you know?
Two people, one on a computer, one in a comfortable chair reading a book.
A: Kennedy was a speed reader, did you know?
B: Yes, and Hitler was a communist.
A: He was lying for Jesus.
A: I keep dreaming of people getting attacked by squirrels
B: Crazy squirrels, but not as bad as coyotes in cars or stories about wrestling action figures.
A: I keep dreaming of people getting attacked by squirrels
B: Crazy squirrels, but not as bad as coyotes in cars or stories about wrestling action figures.
A: What do woodpeckers want?
B: Probably the same thing as marmoset babies - vanilla ice facts.
A: What did you get up to today?
B: I couldn't afford a vacation in Mexico, so I watched the Spanish channel all day and ate some undercooked chicken.
A: That's the food Satan eats, along with tuba video game theme music.
B: Ugh, that's worse than veins in bananas after microwaving
A: Where can I buy lemonade flavored crystal meth?
B: Get the fuck off my phone Steve
A: Tell them other bitches funny songs. I’m the one dumb as a 62 ounce slurpee drink.
B: Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be...
A: Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
B: What's a positive meaning of ‘he doesn’t look like a serial killer'?
A: Is that what happened to Lou Diamond Phillips?
B: No, it was goat shoes and real godzilla sightings.
A: Funny, I thought it was a tentacle pregnancy egg.
B: That might be why my left buttcheek bigger than than the rights buttcheek, since the number of wrinkles on forehead equals number of inches of penis.
A: Elves are assholes.
B: That's a crafty unicorn made out of real hair, next to the taxidermy monkeys for sale.
A: I've always wondered, why do blueberry unicorns cross the milk chocolate river when they could just fly to the other side?
A: They're carrying a book with an immigrant and an armadillo.
B: I dreamed unicorns coming out my fingernails, having nightmares about Morgan Freeman?
A: Not my fault your ugly. [intentional mispelling]
B: Aliens gave my cat a beard.
A: You mean I’m not a reptile. I think my imaginary house is being recycled.
B: That's accidental lesbian in an elderly miniskirt.
A: Midgets that are tired of being hit on need a mouse riding on octopus.
B: Shhh... I'm trying to find zombie chicken porn.
A: Did you recently date Taylor Swift, only to be dumped and have a song written about you? You may be entitled to compensation. Call now.
A: I’m nuts about you, scrotum.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Musings about concrete poetry
After submitting a concrete poem in Kerry's class and receiving critiques (arg), I was curious about how many people brought up how they weren't sure how to read the poem, whether left to right, clockwise/counter clockwise, etc. When I look at concrete poetry (and why I like it) I view it as an adventure - you can read it one way, then come back and experience something completely different. I don't wonder, "Why didn't the poet clearly illustrate how this should be read..." if you know what I mean. Curious what other people think - does it bug you when there's no clear way to read a poem?
For illustrative purposes, here's an example:
(From wp-blogs.moundsparkacademy.org)
For illustrative purposes, here's an example:
(From wp-blogs.moundsparkacademy.org)
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