101 Excuses

1. Because wine
2. Because I said so
3. Because I love you
4. Because I hate you
5. Because my mother made me
6. Because friends don’t let friends drive drunk
7. Because peer pressure
8. Because I’m broke
9. Because I’m sad
10. Because it’s raining
11. Because I’m tired
12. Because I have a headache
13. Because poetry is hard
14. Because it’s cold
15. Because Obama
16. Because life sucks
17. Because life is awesome
18. Because I need it
19. Because I want it
20. Because I have to have it
21. Because I’m sorry
22. Because it’s late
23. Because I’m late
24. Because it’s yours
25. Because we’re done
26. Because lame
27. Because looking at the sun causes blindness
28. Because it’s national vomit day
29. Because you’re weird
30. Because I’m unique
31. Because I have to
32. Because I want to
33. Because I need to
34. Because heartbreak
35. Because snow days
36. Because I’m bored
37. Because bilingualism
38. Because it’s time to go
39. Because procrastination
40. Because clichés are so last century
41. Because I’m stalking you
42. Because I’m afraid
43. Because I can’t
44. Because I won’t
45. Because you saw me
46. Because you left
47. Because I was switched at birth
48. Because I have to go to work
49. Because I have to stay home
50. Because global warming
51. Because climate change
52. Because polar ice caps
53. Because Jesus is my co-pilot
54. Because lactose intolerance
55. Because Ebola
56. Because bacon
57. Because I got high
58. Because the Internet
59. Because I can
60. Because you are mine
61. Because I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
62. Because then the terrorists win
63. Because America
64. Because free speech
65. Because homosexuality is a sin
66. Because homosexuality is population control
67. Because who cares?
68. Because it’s natural
69. Because I can’t stop
70. Because history proves it
71. Because science says so
72. Because the repubs are racists
73. Because Bill Nye the Science Guy
74. Because water expands when it freezes
75. Because it’s none of your business
76. Because you need help
77. BECAUSE YELLING
78. Because everyone poops
79. Because you’re cat’s an asshole
80. Because I need a drink
81. Because you’re prettier when I’m drunk
82. Because that’s mean
83. Because I didn’t mean it
84. Because yes you did
85. Because don’t be so sensitive
86. Because doors slam
87. Because windows open
88. Because feelings get hurt
89. Because you can’t handle the truth
90. Because you can’t fix ugly
91. Because your prettier on the inside
92. Because the heart is a muscle
93. Because it’s outside the box
94. Because no pain, no gain
95. Because it’s outside the box
96. Because be kind and rewind
97. Because it’s all about the bass
98. Because you’re beautiful
99. Because we are family
100. Because Karma
101. Because